Mom know best

(Original post date - Feb 13, 2014)

My mom says I’ve been stubborn since the day I was born. I used to take pride in this, I don’t know why. Perhaps I felt it established me as something of a rock or a rebel or a force to be reckoned with. And maybe even better than everyone else around me.

At church sometimes the pastor will say, “turn to your neighbor and say [insert phrase here], and I either won’t do it, or I’ll turn and say "I don’t like to be told what to do.”

I thought that over the years I had been growing out of this stubbornness, but I fear that may not be entirely possible.

I’ve been stuck in a rut lately, I think. I feel tired and annoyed and sad and hopeless many times. I come home late from work after I’ve busted my ass and received little to no thanks for it and all I really want to do is waste away in front of the TV, binge watching seasons of Battlestar Galactica, Vampire Diaries or whatever else I’ll likely find when those are over. And when you spend too much time engrossed in a fictitious world, you sort of forget who you really are. And I feel even sadder than I did before I started watching because when reality sets in and it’s time go to bed, I remember I don’t have anything super exciting going for me like a mysterious cylon or vampire boyfriend.

But what else have I got to do? Read a book, maybe. But isn’t that the same as the TV, but instead of pictures it’s words? So I make these excuses for why I shouldn’t do anything at all except watch other people live their lives, and dream of what mine could be if I would only put in a little more effort.

So while snowed in with my mom during this very bizarre blizzard/thunderstorm that has swept the country, I prepared myself to watch a million more episodes of whichever show struck my fancy today, only to be dissuaded by my mother because the amount of time I spend watching TV is “sad.” I almost started crying at one point when she suggested I pretend the TV didn’t exist, which really only proves her point. I couldn’t think of a single thing I would rather do. Reluctantly, I ate my lunch in frustrated silence, knowing she was right, as usual. I went into my room to feel sorry for myself for not having something more exciting to do. I ended up organizing some things that I had been putting off which made my room look much more pleasant, chatted with my mom about life, and felt pretty good about it.

I got out my snowboarding attire, and helped my mom clear the snow away from her car, took a few pictures in the snow and felt more alive than I thought I would.

These things are simple, but they made all the difference in my day. Whereas I usually feel empty and alone, today I felt normal and good. And I realized my mom was right. Why do I have to be so stubborn?!

But maybe, just maybe, I’m a little quicker on the uptake.