I awoke early again but this time more like 6am, which is more acceptable. A very enthusiastic fly buzzed around my head like a young child trying to wake their parent to start the day. I escorted him out the window and went up top to greet the day.

I sat by myself on the bow and read until my friends came out. Heidi offered us hydrating face masks.

Except we look like serial killers on a corporate retreat.

Matea prepped breakfast and cut her fingers while slicing the rind off some cheese. Heidi doctored her up using a sanitary napkin and boob tape, while Matej showed me and Krista maps of the islands to make an itinerary.

Despite her injury, Matea insisted that she could finish breakfast and did a beautiful job. We had meats and cheeses, fruit, yogurt, bread, hard boiled eggs, and lots of jars of things that I didn’t open.

Krista: Are all of these stone fruits?

Heidi: Yes, I LOVE stone fruit.

Krista: I’m allergic to stone fruit.

A bee was determined to eat all our food so I killed him. Only he wasn’t dead. When I turned the napkin over, he flew away. After a short recovery he came back again and I tried to trap him in a yogurt jar. Eventually I killed him again. And put a coffee mug over him to assure our safety. When we were full, Matea cleared our plates, but when she picked up the mug she discovered Bee, who was still very much alive. I assume she finished what I could not.

Then we donned our swimsuits and jumped into the sea. My boobs tried to escape immediately. I tested out a water proof phone case and took a video of myself swimming and accidentally posted it before I had a chance to check for escapees. Yep. A sliver of my areola made its Instagram debut. I bought this suit special for this trip and was not prepared for such indecent exposure.

We set sail for Vis and while fighting seasickness, we chatted with Matej by his steering wheel about war and religion and the history of Croatia. I especially learned that it’s best to stay on deck instead of below if you’re feeling queasy. And to stare into the distance.

It was too cold up there after a while and we went down a level to sit in the sun, look at the horizon and fall asleep. But the sick returns as soon as I move about or go below deck which I had to do when nature called. I hurried back up and resumed my spot on the fainting couch.

Also of note: above deck I feel that I look like a sea goddess with the wind in my hair and my skin baking in the sun, but below deck like a bunch of silly putty someone haphazardly squished together.

The Blue Cave man at Vis said we could not go because of the wind, but Matej fought with him because he said it was bs, but to no avail. So he took us to a rocky beach and I stupidly forgot my water shoes. I moved about as best I could in and out of the water like an unstable crane hunting for prey. Mostly staking out a spot to take cute photos.

Matea made us a delicious lunch of quinoa, buckwheat, chia, arugula, cucumbers, grated pear, feta, olive oil, salt and pepper. Delicious. I will definitely attempt this recipe at home.

The boat close to ours was populated by four naked people. My innocent eyes were shocked but that didn’t stop me from voyeurism.

We made our way to Komiža, a fishing village. But on the way the waves were wild and all five of us sat on top of the boat for a small adventure on the Adriatic Sea. Matej said we were lucky because in the peak of the season, the seas are more calm and not as exciting.

Once we were safely buoyed in Komiža, Matej said we could do some “kayak and soup.” I found that very odd, but he corrected my misunderstanding. He meant kayak and SUP (stand up paddle). That makes way more sense. So Heidi set out on a paddle board while Krista and I talked about sex and M&M set out for land. As they motored away, I said “our parents left us!” Turns out they were just going to get supplies and whatnot.

While they were away, Heidi returned and we discovered the other paddle board was missing its paddle. We searched the water, even using binoculars to see where it could have drifted. I was pretty sure it sank. Heidi said it floats. Matej drove the dingy all around looking for it in places it should be based on the direction of the wind but it was nowhere to be found. How did it get lost in the first place? No one knows.

Showered and rested, we put on dresses and went to Konoba Robinzon for dinner, a place Matej found for us because we requested authentic, local food. At this dinner, Heidi refused to talk about sex with us because Krista is “a kid.” (She’s 35.)

Croatia is filled with cats. Each time we see one, Heidi and Krista squeal with delight. But I am unfazed. Except at dinner, a very stern looking feline begged for our food, paced back and forth under our table, brushing its tail again our legs and bit the guy at the table next to us. Heidi befriended it anyway.

Before being picked up by our “parents,” we wandered the streets and bought souvenirs, which were fig themed, a snack and liqueur.

I used the phrase “rough and tumble” to describe something and Krista pointed out that it was the second time I had used that phrase today! I don’t believe it at all.

Back at “home,” after our parents went to sleep, we stayed up top and drank mint tea. When Krista brought mine she also handed me something in the dark and said, “eat this,” but wouldn’t tell me what it was. It was our fig snack.

This little fishing town felt like another Pixar movie and while we chatted in the cool of the night atop our boat, we came up with an idea about a little orphan girl who is lost and afraid that gets rescued by a group of local cats. I proposed that maybe as part of the story she gets mixed up with a rough and tumble crowd. Krista was right. I am saying the phrase too much. And she did not like my title idea: Cats, Cats, Everywhere Cats!

Heidi wanted to sleep on top of the boat but we wouldn’t let her because we were afraid she would roll into the sea by accident.

I slept in Krista’s room, and we talked until 2:45am before finally falling sleep.

Croatia - June 12

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